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The Dating Game-1960's |
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| The Dating Game-2011 |
In Hancock, Toma & Ellison’s article, The Truth about Lying in Online Dating Profiles, the authors state that online daters lie. Nine out of ten participants in their study lied about one the assessed variables, height, weight and age. The caveat was that the magnitude of the deception was not that great. So, 81% of respondents lied, but not THAT MUCH! Would it be okay to date someone who lied a little, but not someone who lied a lot? Are there in fact, white lies and black lies?
These lies they go on to say, are not self-deceptions but are in fact intentional. As in I think I weigh 110 lbs. but whoops, I must have been mistaken! It is more that I am sure that someone will like me better if I shave 10 pounds off my weight, say I go to the gym religiously, and I was born in a decade that began with the number "6" rather than "5"
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I grew up watching the television show, The Dating Game, in the 60's and 70's. A “bachelorette” would pose questions to 3 "bachelors". At the end of the game, she would choose the one who appealed to her and go on a date. Fast forward fifty years, a woman flips through profiles, writes an email, and hopes for a response back.I am not sure things have gotten better in love-land or really changed that much. Anyone who argues that people lie more online than offline should watch the Dating Game episode in 1978, when serial killer Rodney Alcala was chosen by bachelorette Cheryl Bradshaw as her "dream date". Something about him creeped her out (he was in the midst of a killing spree), and her instincts served her right and she never went out with him.
Of course people lie about their height, weight and age. Everyone expects the photos to be a little dated, the weight (if you are female) a little higher, the height a little lower (if you are male) and the age a little lower for both men and women. The real concerns are actually more serious. Many (perhaps a higher percentage for men) lie about their marital status, their relationship status and many other factors about their lives. Whether you are pursuing a relationship that begins online or offline, caveat emptor (let the buyer beware).
Thanks Sandra for your post! It got me really thinking...so I was more like a slight lie...yeah that is fine...but you are right! Maybe it does not really settle well with dating someone who lies a little as opposed to someone who lies a lot. Though, I still believe a slight lie on weight and height is still not the end of the world, as you do point out later in your post :)
ReplyDeleteI just was introduced to a site called ashleymaddison.com(?) by a friend because we were talking about this week's subject of online dating and ethical questions. She told me that this site specifically is to set up "discreet" hook-ups for married people. It was APPALLING. I did not have the courage to actually check out the site because I did not want to lose ALL hope in humanity but I am now seeing some really bad sides of the whole online dating world. Before I thought it was pretty amazing period. This makes me a little sad... :(
I was completely thrown off (and slightly offended) when Hancock, Toma, and Ellison wrote "Individuals should engage in deception to meet the expectations of attractive prospects. In online dating profiles, women should lie more about characteristics related to you and physical attractiveness...Men should lie about characteristics that indicate social status" (p.450).
ReplyDeleteI have re-read this "Gender Differences" passage multiple times to see if the authors are really encouraging this deception.
I'm with Maria, this makes me a little sad...of course, her introduction of a site that sets up discreet hook ups for married people made me down right depressed.
I love your epigraph.
ReplyDeleteIsn't it funny how "gut feelings" "intuition" and whatever else is out there somehow vaguely guide us to sort through what seems right/wrong regardless of available/changing technical affordances?
Whether it be "thin-slicing" (Malcom Gladwell) or a gut feeling, I think we will always at some point be able to "know" something is not right when we interact with people online or offline.